Lady Anti-Monkey Butt

I saw this the other day in the oddest of places… the hardware store. I am still unclear why it was on the shelf next to the Duck Tape (not to be confused with the Duct Tape).

Perhaps this was the animal shelf.

I had a vague memory of this stuff and went back into my archives to find that I had written about the male version back in October 09. Yes, I have been writing that long… much longer actually; about stuff like anti-friction powder, so yes, you could say I have an impressive body of work.

I simply love the hot pink butt on this monkey. The pink bow, the thumbs up, the crazy grin of anti-friction relief, the pearl earrings for G-d’s sake… she is just fabulous.

I think I was drawn to her human stance because I just finished a 582 page book about a talking chimp. I have this odd feeling that all the animals around me can really talk but they are clamming up because they don’t want to make a scene.

No, I don’t think I have snapped.

Back to the powder. Anti-friction? Is it me, or do I just not feel that there is so much butt friction in my daily life that I need something to counter it. Perhaps it is this – my son always complains about a condition he calls swamp ass. So the first thing I thought of when I saw this was how great it would be for lady swamp ass. You know, like the Virginia Slims of ass relief. And then I read that post from a few years ago and I had the same thought (sans the Virginia Slims).

So now I am snapping AND losing my memory.

Who cares. The thing that counts is that I am blogging again. And after a long period of being serious, I feel compelled to be absurd again. That can’t be bad (not as bad as butt friction, anyway).

So, for those of you who missed me and were starting to complain…

You asked for it!

Time to Cry Tuesday – 1,000th Post

1,000. This is my 1,000th post. That’s just crazy. I don’t believe there are many things I could point to in my life that I can say I have done 1,000 of. I love that this falls right before the new year; what a perfect time to be reflective.

Perhaps as a mom, 1,000 sleepless hours from infancy through young adulthood. Or maybe as a graphic designer, 1,000 corrections made to jobs that were once titled ‘final’. Or maybe the amount of times Gary told me I better write my 1,000th post about him (does this count?)

Reaching this milestone makes me look back at how blogging has changed my life. It has helped me learn the social media space from the inside out. It has helped me to always make sure I see the humor in every day (except Tuesday) and share it. It has enhanced my delight with witnessing amusing things in daily life and making sure to photograph as many as possible.

But most of all it is the people I have met, and the ones that I already knew who keep reading, sending me their stories and absurdity alerts that make me realize what a fortunate time we live in; where one sarcastic, sort of off beat, magnet for the absurd woman can connect with like-minded people and feel as if she has come home.

Thank you all for reading. Here’s to the next 1,000.

Out of sight

OUTAMYND?

I hope not. I know it has been quite a while since my last post. A few of you have asked where I have been.

It seems after 3 years of consistently blogging every day, life on the other side of the keyboard got a little too acute to accommodate daily posting. It has been a hell of a few months over here. But I am happy to report things are starting to fall back into place (probably shouldn’t have put that in writing) and I am back and ready to roll on a daily posting schedule.

Here’s hoping that you have missed reading about my antics as much as I have missed posting about them.

And… We’re Branded!

No, you are not in the wrong place. This is the same old i could cry but i don’t have time with a whole new look.

Yes, this is a tale of the shoemaker’s kids having no shoes. Believe it or not, this blog has been around  since 2008. And yes, I was a graphic designer without branding. I liked to think of it as my rebellion against too many decades in the business. You know, like the fashionista who goes out in sweatpants just to prove she is not shallow.

Actually that is a horrible analogy and the real reason this blog never carried a designed header is because:

a] I was lazy

b] I was never happy with anything I designed for it

c] I was lazy

d] I had commitment probems

e] all of the above

oh and f] I was lazy

Anyway, I bit the bullet, took the plunge, reveled in the fact that I did not toss out that fabulous book of archival drawings in the big office purge and today I bring you the newly branded, jam master i could cry but i don’t have time. (maybe i should change the name to i could design but i don’t have time – but that would not be clever or funny, for that matter)

Ah… change and commitment. Neither are ever comfortable but this was long overdue. I hope I don’t wake in the middle of the night and regret this. (prone to drama)

I am still playing with theme design but this is a start. If you have any comments, critiques, suggestions or opinions… keep them to yourselves.

Just kidding, I would love to hear what you think.

Oh, and for those of you on email subscription who don’t want to click over to the web and see this baby in real life, here is what the logo looks like:

800

This, my friends, is my 800th post! Crazy right? I know what you are thinking, ‘How did the crazy bitch come up with 800 things to write about’.

Well, I think the operative words would be ‘crazy bitch’.

I really can’t remember my life without blogging. I am not quite sure what I used to say in place of the words, ‘this would make a great post’.

It became part of the fabric of my days. A place to share an observation, a photo, of course something absurd and a whole lot of stuff about my dog.

Thanks for reading. I hope it amuses you as much is it does me.

I decided to take a look back at the first post I wrote. Well, it was technically the second post as the first one was an intro. Honestly, it was one of the funnier things I have ever written so I will share it here again.

Feel free to let me know if there are posts you liked, ones you didn’t or anything you would like to hear more about (I know, Dr. Jimmy, I need to write about the virtues of hotel sex).

Here’s to the next 800. May the universe continue to throw amusing things in my path.

Time to Cry Tuesday – Blogher Hangover

The other day I gave you a silly little peek into a moment I experienced at Blogher, the women’s blogging conference. I am usually prone to pick out the most absurd of moments and share them here because I like to entertain. And I have to admit, THAT was entertaining.

But the event itself was far from silly. For me it was proof that women from all over can come together and form a community that in a matter of hours becomes as close as those from which they have traveled. If not, in some ways, closer.

Women are a funny gender. We nurture by nature. Sure there are the mean girls and the cool chicks at the cafeteria table. And from where I came from, there are those who liked to mix it up with a little girl fight at the flagpole now and then. But for the most part, women rally around.

Someone is ill? We feed their families and care for their kids. Someone has a loss? We make arrangements, and give a shoulder in the darkest of hours when everyone else has moved on. And hey, when we puke, our truest friend will hold our hair back and never judge us.

So it is no surprise that when a hotel full of women bloggers got together there was a buzz; a feeling in the air that was hard to describe. Sure it was overwhelming at times. But the strangest things were happening. Coincidences and connections. With strangers. But not really. Women met each other in person for the first time when they had known each other online for years. And all we could say was, ‘I feel like I have known you for years.’

I spent the most fascinating hour drinking wine with a group of women in a hotel room. Most of us only knew one or two people in the room. ‘Where did you sit?’, my husband asked me. ‘You know, all over. In the chairs, lying on the beds. It was very relaxed.’ Of course his mind went into full blown girl on girl pillow fights. Yeh, well that is the penis for you.

I digress. The point was, the whole purpose of this conference was to share. Ideas. Lives. Business concepts. And everything in between. To give each other the balls to keep doing whatever it is that we do. For whatever reasons we do them.

I regret that I was only able to attend one day. But this 14-hour day left me so spent that going back was simply out of the question. I had a Blogher hangover (or maybe it was the wine) But, I needed to digest.

Now that I have, I am so proud to have been a part of this. Blogging is very much a way of life for me. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Some over-share, but it works for them. Some over-sell, but it works for them as well.

And me, well there were three things that made me happiest. One, I got to check in at the same time as Mrs. Potato Head.  Two, someone in an elevator saw my conference badge and told me that I had the best blog name of the day. And three, I got to hear a ballroom full of women chant the word vagina in unison. Seriously, where else could that happen?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – A Hole in the Blogosphere

on facebook

If you read me regularly you have noticed that I also write over at 50-Something Moms Blog. I have been part of the SV Moms Group community for almost two years and consider them a family of sorts. Or as Gary likes to refer to them, my satan-worshipping blog friends.

As far as I can tell, none of them are actual satan-worshippers. Instead they are hundreds of moms – and a few dads with a strong sense of their masculinity – who write about everything from parenting to politics. The blogs are segmented geographically with one demographic group – the must current group of 50-somethings I have ever met!

In the background we are members of a thriving discussion board where we offer support, help promote one another, network and collaborate. Never before have I worked within such an amazing group.

I have been in business for many years. I have watched moms struggle with every aspect of the collision of parenting and career –  be it the choice to continue working or the option to stay home. As part of this group I have watched and listened. At times I have given council and at others I have been taught by the masters. When I needed an answer or a resource on any topic, they were my go-to group and there was always someone who would jump in and help me out.

It is with great sadness that I report the SVMoms Group is dissolving the site. The bloggers were all notified at around 3:00 PM EST on Monday. Within 6 hours a new alumni community was formed on Ning with members immediately joining by the dozens. I would imagine the whole group will migrate there within a day or so. This is a network that will not dissolve.

So, to the Sisterhood of the SVMoms I show my deepest gratitude for having been a part of something so very special. And to our fearless leaders, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for inviting me to be a part of something so life-changing. (oh yeh, and letting me lie about my age for the first year I was writing on 50-something).

Yes, there will surely be a hole in the blogosphere where we once lived!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Friend of the Devil

That would be me, I suppose.

Yesterday as I was obsessing over perusing my blog stats it came to my attention that I had just posted my 666th post. How interesting that the title was ‘Got Balls?’ Seems if I were to have a mission statement or a tagline it might run along those lines.

My facebook status currently reads: Wow, just checked my blog stats and I just posted my 666th post. I am feeling a bit devilish…

At which point the comments included me being a Friend of the Devil and The Devil with the Blue Dress On as well as some reference to Route 66 which was a stretch but the sentiment was there. This should give you and idea of the age of my readers. (Feel free to comment on my selection of the renditions of each of these songs in the links above, but these are my faves)

Nonetheless, it is the nuances in life that keep me entertained. And I try my best to pay attention to the little things, because as we all know…

the devil is in the details.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Chip off the old blog

The day my daughter was born I held her in my arms, looked into her eyes and thought, ‘Damn I hope she grows up to be a blogger someday’.

Ok, perhaps 20 years ago there was no such thing as a blogger. Come to think of it there was no mainstream internet to speak of. But I was a visionary.

Today, I am proud to announce my daughter has started her first blog. It will chronicle her semester abroad in Sevilla, Spain. Yes I am thrilled that she embraced the idea of blogging and yes, I am jealous as hell.

She is funny (not just because I am her mom, she really is), and she already gave me a shout out in her first post. Since she has sufficiently sucked up – and because I am her mom – I thought that it was my duty to give her some link love. You can find her at Jaña en España (cute, right?).

Hop on over and show her some love.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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The Magnet For The Absurd (MFTA)

I have always noticed the oddities out there in the world. Even before this blog became the catch-all for all things crazy, they always found me.

Now that I have deemed myself the Magnet For the Absurd it seems to have stuck. In the last 2 weeks people have sent me all sorts of oddly humorous and offbeat things, via every technology possible. I thought it would be fun to share a few.

This came from an old friend via email:

Driving cross country. Now in arizona.  Just passed a billboard and thought of you: Ostrich Eggs. Meteorites. 50% off.

This was from a friend via Facebook:

I thought of your photos and your blog yesterday while passing through Frenchtown on our way home from Elon U. . . we noticed a street sign stating ” Saturday is cancelled” — found it to be funny . . . and maybe something I should send along to my two kids away at school?!

And these two pics came via text message from Sedona:

I particularly love the ‘Est. Before Mankind’. Nice touch.

These submissions prove to me that people do see the absurdities out there, they simply never had a place to share them.

I am happy to be that place, so keep ‘em coming!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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