Fun With International Symbols

I work long hours. My office is in the basement and every once in awhile you can find me laughing out loud down here. You know my motto, it is always good to find little things to amuse yourself.

Last night I was doing an image search for an infographic project and I needed to weed through pages of stock icon art. I almost passed this one by, but (no pun intended) the yellow struck me and I stopped. Then I tilted my head a bit and took another look. Was this what I thought it was? Um… yeh. The search term field had it spelled out loud and clear:

Rectal exam.

International symbol for rectal exam?! Well, I suppose this would come in handy in a foreign country. You know, when you are having some intestinal distress and taking over the counter meds doesn’t make as much sense as having a friggin’ rectal by someone who does not speak your language. Would this be off the street signage? Exactly where would we find this symbol?

I also came across this series:

 

Not sure why mom/baby, wheel chair guy and trash man find their way to same page as pee boy and squatting pee boy (what the hell is that?) BTW, I believe the little squatter is wearing a shirt and no pants… wrong on all sorts of level. I love the legs up on the toilet guy. That would come in handy when illustrating a piece about perverts that hide in ladies rooms. Or my fave – the kneeling pucker, AKA the international symbol for  college freshman.

Anyone want to take a crack at the one next to pukey boy? Does that illustrate the pain one feels when trying to flush one’s foot down the toilet?

OK, I admit it. Sometimes my job is more fun than recreation. Sometimes my job IS recreation.

And seriously, who can pass up a little bathroom humor.

Thanks istockphoto, for an entertaining evening.

Time to Cry Tuesday – Girl Launched

The picture above is the Holstee Manifesto. If you are not familiar with Holstee, I urge you to read about them here. When they started their company they wrote this manifesto. “It was about what they wanted from life and how to create a company that breathes that passion into the world everyday. It was a reminder of what we live for. The result became known as the Holstee Manifesto”. 

For those who don’t know our family, my girl is filled with this kind of passion. She has a spark in her eye and a smile that can knock you over (ok, I am her mom, but she does!). She has ideas about helping people and wanting to make a difference. And for the past year she found herself in a job that, let’s be kind and say, did not fit that bill. Not remotely. And it took its toll on her. At times she felt as if it would break her. But she stuck it out and trudged away, spending a year trying to get out of it the skills that she could.

And now? She has been given the opportunity to live the Manifesto. “If you don’t like something, change it. If you don’t like your job quit… Start doing things you love… Life is about the people you meet and the the things you create with them… Live your dream and share your passion.” (she is still working on the ‘stop watching TV piece… hey this is a launch post, not a miracle post).

They say that you are only as happy as your most miserable child. But in turn, you are also as happy as your most ecstatic child, too. When your daughter finds the world she expected to find after college, when she gets up in the morning with a smile on her face, when working on Sundays and odd hours is not a chore, when she stays up and rewrites her notes from work because she is so excited about what she is learning and wants to get it right… when the spark comes back in her eye and you see her smile more in a week than you have in the past year… well, you know your girl is launched.

And quite frankly, there is nothing better on this earth.

Congrats to my girl for being launched. May you shine as bright as you can. I love you to the moon and back again.

And then some.

 

 

 

The Peckerhead Theory

Do you have a job where you have to count on others? Do you subcontract often? Do you deal with regular suppliers? Does the performance of other people reflect on how well you look to your client base? If not, lucky you.

In my house… this is a daily occurrence. For the most part we have built our careers around working with people we trust. We partner with teams and vendors that have the same work ethic and philosophy that we do. But somehow the ever-changing business landscape has made even those with the best intentions unable to fulfill their promises.

Or sometimes you are just dealing with peckerheads. (if you guessed that this was a Gary description, you have probably been reading this blog for some time – remember, this is the same guy who uses the expression ‘I don’t give a rat’s ass’). 

Today I wrapped up the first phase of a big project with a team that made me so proud to be the lead on this project. As we were doing a recap and planning our next stage I took a moment to thank them… in my own special way:

“I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your passion, wild talent and dedication to making this project the best it can be. In short, I want to take a moment and thank you from the bottom of my heart for NOT being peckerheads”.

Blank stares. Awkward moment.

Then I explained Gary’s peckerhead theory and everyone was all ‘OMG I know what you mean’ and ‘I could not possibly do anything less than my best’ and ‘When you love what you do it is easy not to be a peckerhead’.

Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you. Just make a vow to NEVER be the peckerhead and you will be just fine.

Business bad? Buy a plane ticket.

There is a strange phenomenon that surrounds my business. I get insanely busy right before I am flying somewhere. This week was no different. It seems anyone who has ever even considered giving me work decided to call this week. And of course they were all rush jobs. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to be busy. In fact, when things get slow I have thought about buying a plane ticket and consider it just the cost of doing business.

It always starts like this, “I have something I need. It’s easy.” Right off the bat, you should be scared when you hear that line. Let me translate, that means, ” It is really rush and I know you never say no and you will save my butt on this one and you know I really appreciate it.” Sometimes it also is a set-up for the, “I don’t have much of a budget” line. This week I got away without that one.

What I always say around midnight the day before I am flying out of here, ‘One woman’s time off is another woman’s hell.’ So a big thank you to Ivy for being the woman in hell this time. I hope today left you in decent shape. And if not, you know I am hopeless wired.

Off to move the boy into the dorms. If you hear about some insane NY mother in a Wisconsin Bed, Bath & Beyond being taken off in a straight jacket from big box store overload, muttering something about floor lamps or not taking shoe organizers seriously… that would be me.

To the woman in the nail salon

Ok, I admit it. Towards the end of the day on a work day I skipped out for a manicure.  I had a tragically low broken nail that needed to be attended to. It was more necessary maintenance than pleasure. If you are a guy you think… “women!” If you are a woman you think, “damn, I hate when that happens.”

Here’s the thing. I don’t really have the kind of job that translates well into public places. These 50-year-old eyes are getting too old to view artwork on a blackberry and I am stuck zooming all over the place trying to make an intelligent comment when people send me stuff. (there that iphone envy goes rearing its ugly head again) Add that to the fact that I collaborate with a team and need to chat it up in the thick of a project. Oh and to top it all off we are always working on impossible deadlines.

So… I admit it. I was the women on the phone at the nail salon. Well, actually, not the only one as the woman across from me got a call and she was a realtor who was at the last stages of a deal where the parties were only $20,000 apart and she had to give the old, “I am in a meeting I will get back to you as soon as I am in the office” routine.

Back to my call. There was no option not to take it. Decisions had to made, time is money, yadayadayada. So woman number 3 sitting at the nail dryer, let me refer to her as THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON ON THIS EARTH. She tells me when I end the call, “you know, you don’t always have to take the call. things can wait. sometimes it is beneficial to keep them waiting.”

THEM? Sweetheart, who are your THEM? In this market, no one waits in my book.

And seriously, you were giving me your opinion because? Oh right, because you ARE THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON ON THIS EARTH!

You see, right here is why I have a blog. The beauty of this here little slice of the interwebs is that when I am on my last friggin’ nerve, I have a perfect place to vent.

And the best part about it is that THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON ON THIS EARTH has no business being here.

Ahhh, now I feel better.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Orange you cranky?

Ok, shoot me. I just had a long day and as a matter of fact I am damn cranky.

And this had to be the funniest instant message solicitation I have gotten in a long time.

Maybe I should have accepted it.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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OK…”uncle!” Now vodka please

And make it a double.

Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you.

Sometimes you meet in the middle for hours upon hours of tedious negotiations. Yep, door number three, that was my day.

So kiddies, you will forgive me for not writing last night. And for leaving this post that borders somewhere on the periphery of the mentally unfit. (a little place I call my playground almost every friday night these days).

Not unlike those little spongey capsules that turn into animals and circus characters when you add water that my kids used to love so much, I will add a little vodka to this twisted little mind and hope it springs back to something acceptable by the AM.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Lazy is the new productive

I made this my Facebook status today and it was immediately well received. Made me ponder that maybe I was on to something.

Think about it.

All year long we race around, make lists, disappoint ourselves with never completing everything we set out to do in a day. Why? For what reason do I set myself up for hyper-productivity? Like I am a better person if all the laundry is done and my closets are cleaned at the end of a weekend day? Yeh, right. Who cares if maybe the blueberries in the fridge are a little on the fuzzy side (ok, maybe my daughter since she did mention tossing them) — we could think of them as pets instead of food. Kind of like domestic multi-use.

I worked with someone once who told me a clean desk was the sign of a sick mind. Maybe everything done and in order all the time is not such a big deal. Maybe it is actually a losing a battle. Maybe an ever evolving to-do list is ok. Maybe sometimes we need to shut up and shut down in order to rest up to push that bolder back up the hill when we have no other choice. Perhaps the doing nothing piece is a way of letting the brain slow down to gear up again. This is a completely different way of thinking for someone like me. I am usually a moving target.

I won’t lie, lying around is not usually my thing. If I am not productive for too long a period of time I start to feel lousy. But there is something to be said for lounging in bed and reading a book, staying in your pajamas till 3:00 (or 4, or 5), drinking a little too much (define ‘too much’) and just hanging out. Hey, my kids seem to think that it is a full time job. I wonder what they would do if I moved the couches out of the house.

My point? I guess it would be that having a couple of weeks at the end of the year to lose the scheduling and the frenzy and just be lazy can have its benefits. First, for someone like me, at the end of all this I am dying to be productive again. But while I am still in it I am starting to take some pleasure in being a slug.

My family, on the other hand, wants to know why we don’t have any ______ (fill in the blank) left in the house.

Hey, you guys all drive…

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Font Masturbation

No, I did not make up that name, but I wish I did. This is an actual typeface that I found today while doing a font search. I will admit I colored it and added the effects, but hey, who wouldn’t?

You can see it here on my favorite free typeface website, dafont.com. (please keep in mind many of the free fonts are for personal use, if you want to use them commercially you need to contact them. This one in particular would be for EXTREMELY personal use).

This sucker (no pun – ok maybe yes pun) was designed by Graham Meade of GemFonts and I am not going to lie, I think I might have a crush on him. Seriously, how can you not love a guy that designs a typeface like this? It is so beautifully executed with just a hint of the perverse while still maintaining that whimsical aura. (ok, too many years of doing design presentations, I know).

Yes, once again I am an infant. But let’s be honest, that is why most of you come here every day; to see me behaving poorly.

Wishing you all a happy new year, be safe and remember, penic masturbata is just font usage with someone you love. And of course, hoping you do not experience any typface interruptus in 2010.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Out of the Basement

For those who know me, I am usually rather subterranean. My office is in the basement. It has been called the command center by those who humor me, or maybe the people who truly get who I am. Aside from my morning walk, most of what I do – professionally and personally – can be handled from this underground habitat.

However, this week I have been very out of the basement. Let me rephrase that, I have actually been VERY out of the basement. It’s not bad. But I feel as if I am becoming a little disoriented. Perhaps it is all that oxygen. Or it could be that I am simply  a little overstimulated. Actually, I think I am a lot overstimulated. But on the other hand, a big thank you to those who added to the overstimulation. Not bad once in awhile. And no, I am not an agoraphobic for those of you who were starting to go down that road.

The controlled environment down here keeps me somewhat focused; if having a blog post, a twitter stream, a facebook page (with the odd chat going on) and various work projects open while emailing, listening to WFUV, answering texts and talking on the phone simultaneously would be considered focused.

Jeez, perhaps I need to sit in a dark room!

I have driven so much this week that I almost ran out of gas tonight. There I was at almost midnight on the Whitestone bridge and that scary orange ‘low fuel’ light came on. Not a great place to run out of gas. Happy to report I made it home. (I wonder if the car will start in the morning).

So tomorrow I will vow to spend most of the day down here. I will be productive and try my best to process it all. And yes, if any of you need me to look something up or mapquest for you like you usually do, you know where to find me.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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