Cat Hairball Jewelry… file this under Ewwwww!

I kid you not on this one. Thanks to my fabulous friend Tony O, I now know about jewelry made from the fur that your cat sheds. Today he linked to this post on ecouterre. The long and short (hair) of it is that Kate Benjamin of Moderncat  felt the need to mark the celebration of National Hairball Awareness Day (who makes these awareness days up, anyway?) and commissioned the wildly talented jewelry designer and friend, Heidi Abramason to make her some pretty cool looking stuff from… you guessed it, her cat’s hairballs.

Ok… Ewwww.

In case you did not read this post, I wrote about someone who made jewelry out of human hair so I guess this is not so far-fetched. (how does this stuff find me?)

Wait, can we get back to National Hairball Awareness Day? Is there a reason we need to be made aware of hairballs? Are they not glaringly obvious to cat owners and who the hell cares to the rest of us?

And the cat in this picture? Anyone else getting a major heebie jeebie from this kitty?

Just a tip, don’t buy me this jewelry for Mother’s Day if you were running out to do so… very allergic to cats. Oh, and vile things too. Those I am highly allergic to.

But for all you cat people out there (and you know who you are)… Heidi takes commissions.

Funniest Spam Comment Ever!

Sometimes the comments that get caught in my spam filter are the funniest thing in my day. This one surely does not disappoint. I am leaving the links so all you perverts out there can check them out. (yes, someone actually owns and operates – no pun intended – ‘penisenlargement.com . What a great snag that url was, huh?)

HELP! I’m currently being held prisoner by the Russian mafia xyzrxyz penis enlargement xyzrxyz and being forced to post spam comments on blogs and forum! If you don’t approve this they will kill me. xyzrxyz penis enlargementxyzrxyz They’re coming back now. xyzrxyz vimax xyzrxyz Please send help! nitip vimax

I feel kind of guilty that there is a chance this guy was killed by the Russian mafia because I did not approve his comment.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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This little lamb is ruining my life

When Jana was a little girl we fell in love with the video Shelly Duvall’s Rock ‘N Rhymeland. If you have little kids (and actually even if you don’t) this one is a must see. During the time when your kids are small you are subjected to watching the same videos over and over again until you want to stick a needle in your eye. A video like this is a breath of fresh air.

My husband was known to go into a rage over the ‘fat kid in the green sweater’ in the Wee Sing video, Grandpa’s Magical Toys. Seriously, this entire series was worthy of breaking the TV to avoid ever having to listen to those inane songs again.

But Rock ‘N Rhymeland was a breath of fresh air in the landscape of mind-numbing kid vids. We still quote it now and then with a look of nostalgia and fond memories of real humor infused in a film that helped keep these two parents from running from the room screaming like their brains were on fire.

One of our favorite scenes starred Cindy Lauper as Mary, and Woody Harrelson as her little lamb. Our favorite line of all times was from Cindy, “This little lamb is ruining my life.” At times when toddler Jana was wearing on our very last nerve we were known to quote her (with full brooklyn accent, of course). You can see the sequence here at about 4:11, it is really hysterical.

Fast forward about 18 years and Jana is interning in Battery Park City where none other than Woody Harrelson is shooting a film outside her building. She and the other interns loitered long enough outside the trailers to get to meet him. And he could not have been nicer. He chatted with her for a while and then gave her this autograph.

When she told me all I could ask was, “So? Did you tell him that you have always admired him for his role in Rock ‘N Rhymeland as the little Lamb and that you are pretty sure that video saved your parents from going mad.”

Her answer? “Haha, no m-o-o-o-m!”

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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You never know what you’ll find in your dishwasher

Certainly when your college kid is living home for the summer.

Tucked in snugly between the cereal bowls and the water glasses on the top rack of my dishwasher, this jewish mother found…

the ever popular I heart Jesus shot glass. Thinking that it most likely did not belong to my husband, who not only does not drink but I am pretty sure does not heart Jesus either.

So I texted my sweet daughter:

Ummmmm…. I heart Jesus?!!!

And of course the answer was:

hahahaha. I will be home soon.

It appears this was a ‘gift’ from a friend. No disrespect to my Christian friends here, I think that there was simply something very funny about giving this to an obviously Jewish girl.

I am thinking of getting her an I heart Buddha shot glass for Hannukah, what do you think?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Mother Daughter IM

Sometimes the only communication I have with my kids is virtual. It’s ok; any connection is fine by me and sometimes you can simply jump into each other’s day and ease the pain a little. The following is part of a chat with my daughter who, as part of her internship duties, had to be the receptionist for two days in a row. This came in at about 4:45 PM just as most of the office was getting ready to vamoose. (note we both have our dog as our icons… scary) I am in the blue in case you could not guess.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Cracking of the Rock of Gibralter – Part 2

Or: This chick surely does not have her sh*t together anymore!

Back in December of 2008 I wrote this post about the gradual – or not so gradual – deterioration of my ability to keep things together the way I used to. When the kids were young I could juggle a toddler, a baby, a job, a puppy, a husband in the ICU and still hold down a full time job.

Now? Lucky if I remember to feed any of them. Hey they are old enough to fend for themselves. Ok, maybe the dog has an issue with the can opener, but she could live off the begging she does just fine.

Today I bring you the top ten list of why I simply cannot consider myself superwoman anymore. And to let you know that I am fully liberated from giving a crap about it.

10. No milk for the coffee and cereal (for more than one day)

9. No lunch reservation for graduation day (next friday)

8. No corsage ordered for Danny’s prom date (again, next friday)

7. Danny’s suit for this Saturday night’s fundraiser is not altered (masking tape anyone)

6. Cannot find the receipt for Danny’s prom tuxedo (See a Danny pattern here? Hey, he needs to start taking care of himself, he is going to college)

5. Have not written a blog post since Tuesday (please tell me you guys noticed)

4. Picked up the materials for a presentation hours before I was giving it (usually had this done at least a day in advance in the past)

3. Have lost my blackberry, shoes, wallet, glasses,  ______ fill in the blank, at least once a day (hopeless)

2. Have not filed the last 2 month’s worth of paperwork (office is an embarrassment)

And the Number One reason I am convinced I am no longer even a shadow of the woman I used to be:

1. Camp trunks go out tomorrow and they are still in the attic at 2PM

Ok, but here is the thing. Eventually I went to Dairy Barn and got milk. No one in the house is starving to death, certainly not the dog. If I don’t blog for a few days, only my stats suffer.  Danny is 17 and does not care how well his suit fits, is fully aware that we will order the corsage today, and knows that even without the receipt I will find a way to get that tuxedo. (I still have skills, for G-d sakes!) The presentation went fine, I find and re-lose all items daily like the tides. Papers were meant to left in piles, and most important, those trunks will get packed in the same 1 hour window whether we do it over 2 weeks or one night at 10PM.

Lesson learned: it all get’s done anyway. Lighten up.

Superwoman is sorely over-rated!

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Friend of the Devil

That would be me, I suppose.

Yesterday as I was obsessing over perusing my blog stats it came to my attention that I had just posted my 666th post. How interesting that the title was ‘Got Balls?’ Seems if I were to have a mission statement or a tagline it might run along those lines.

My facebook status currently reads: Wow, just checked my blog stats and I just posted my 666th post. I am feeling a bit devilish…

At which point the comments included me being a Friend of the Devil and The Devil with the Blue Dress On as well as some reference to Route 66 which was a stretch but the sentiment was there. This should give you and idea of the age of my readers. (Feel free to comment on my selection of the renditions of each of these songs in the links above, but these are my faves)

Nonetheless, it is the nuances in life that keep me entertained. And I try my best to pay attention to the little things, because as we all know…

the devil is in the details.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Got Balls?

Yes it is quite obvious that these type of people seek me out on the road and present themselves in front of me. It has become more than just a coincidence at this point.

I have a few friends that I would love to buy this bumper sticker for, and you certainly know who you are. (cough, cough, Joanne)

I particularly like the way the bumper is dented and the sticker is damaged, it makes it look that much ballsier.

Do you think this would look good on the back of my momUV?

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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Back Waxing

While taking this picture on Main Street in my town a couple walked by and he said, “Hey, maybe I should go get my back waxed.”

I must say that $40 seems awfully cheap for a whole back, doesn’t it?

Is there really anything else for me to say about this that I have not already said? Please refer back to this post and this post to hear my opinion of hairy backs.

That should do it. Enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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The Colonoscopy: A recap in 3 acts

Act One: Scheduling the appointment

Me: Hello, I would like to schedule an appointment for my colonoscopy.

Receptionist: Oh, we have an opening on the 28th at noon.

Me: (thinking ‘an opening’ was a poor choice of words) I will take it.

Understanding that this was the Friday of a holiday weekend I figured it would be a good day to take off, and I jumped at the idea of the weight loss.

Yes I am extremely shallow.

Act Two: The pre-prep (I will spare you the actual prep because I am classier than that)

Me: What flavor Gatorade should I mix the Miralax with?

Danny: Yellow

Gary: Yellow

Jana: Yellow

I bought grape.

Oh, and yellow – I am not an idiot! I did the taste test and under the advisement of Jana’s boyfriend decided on yellow because he said I would get sick of the grape after the second glass.

Jana: OMG you are mixing that ENTIRE bottle of Miralax* into that Gatorade, that is like a month’s worth!

Me: Yeh, I know. I thought that is why you were going to stay at Corey’s house for the night.

You will be happy to know that after I fasted for 24 hours and had been starving for a day Gary came home and made himself probably the most delicious smelling omelette ever made on the face of this earth.

I asked him why he didn’t bake a chocolate cake right after that too.

* I would like to mention that on the side of the Miralax package it states that your stool may become soft and runny… um is that not the point of a laxative?

Act Three: Phone call with a friend after the colonoscopy was finished

Friend: How are you feeling?

Me: Not bad, actually. It was just like any other Friday at work except this time I was sedated before I got reamed up the ass.

Friend: I guess I should tell you my daughter is in the car and I am on speakerphone (note: daughter is in college)

Me: Well, now is as good a time as any for her to hear about the real world.

Daughter: Thanks Amy, I really appreciate that.

Haven’t had enough of me yet? You can also read me at 50-Something Moms Blog. For photo enthusiasts, visit Leaving the zip code, photos from outside the comfort zone.

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