I Bet You Wished

I am pretty sure this stuff gets put in front of me intentionally. Perhaps because I have a keen sensitivity to it and pay attention. I live so much of my life – both personal and professional – elbow deep in the details. That is probably why I cannot help but see this stuff. This one was actually spotted from the back seat by my daughter. The fact that my kids get this stuff and notice them is my single greatest parenting achievement (a close second is the fact that they love a good bathroom joke).

I have written about the wisdom of the universe before. In love, in art – more than once – and of course in regards to plumbing and feminine hygiene products. As you all know, that last one is something that has plagued the masses for decades.

This one? It is actually a billboard! We passed it on the way home from Brooklyn the other night. I don’t even remember where it was, but I will take a guess and say somewhere on the BQE (and no worries, I was not driving).

So here is the thing – how many tens of thousands of people pass this sign every day? This is a big commuter corridor, after all. It is going east so I am going to say most people see it on their way home at the end of the day. Does anyone actually SEE it? Do they read it and think, hmmmm, what DO I wish? What do I wish so much that someone would bet on it? And based on the tense of the sentence, what do I wish I had done in the past? Maybe you are a grammar and punctuation junkie (cough, cough, Shelly Kramer), and you wonder why there is no question mark at the end of the sentence. Or you might think, hey, is this a real billboard or graffiti? Or damn, I need to get my phone out fast and take a picture of this one (that would be all you Amytypes out there). I worry that too many people – probably the majority – pay it no mind at all. Which is the whole point of this post.

On this beautiful Sunday morning, on the back nine of the summer (that’s for all my golf peops), I would like you all to ponder what you wish today. Make it a good one. And I would be honored if you would be so kind as to share that wish… because that BS about it not coming true if you share it is old school.

What is a wish if not to share?

Happy Sunday everyone!

For 5000 years we were wandering…

 

The ‘WE’ for those not of the tribe are the Jews. We have been known to wander for give or take a few thousand years. We can be restless that way. Have you ever been to a restaurant with my husband? NEVER accept the first table.

This is engraved above the blinds in our favorite local Jewish deli. Actually it is the only local Jewish deli but if it wasn’t it would still be our favorite. So the photo above is one wall. And the payoff was… will a little bit scary but funny none the less.

Diaper Lab

A big thanks to Uncle Neal for sending me this photo. (please don’t ask the origin of the Uncle, I do not know and no he is not a relative… of the traditional sense, anyway).

This came with the following explanation – of sorts – “we were leaving a tequila bar and saw this”. At first I thought perhaps he was afraid it was an hallucination so he took the picture to document its existence. Then, when he woke up and saw it on his phone, he thought who better to send this to but the MFTA?

Googling it, he found out that Diaper Lab  is a diaper service. The lab part sort of grosses me out. It makes me think that they are doing experiments on the contents of the soiled little nappies in the middle of the night. Maybe it is the way the shot was taken; in the pitch black with just the spot lights shining on the signage.

Ok, again, vivid imagination.

Of course, this picture has won the MFTA approval, for sure. Thanks Neal!

Baby and Toddler 4 Sale

Well, well, well… it would appear that what we have here is s family that has a 2 for one thing going on. Could they actually be selling both their baby and their toddler at one sale.

I would suppose every family reaches that moment in time when the kids have gotten on their last nerve and the only solution they can think of is to… sell them?

Yikes.

Well, at least they are getting rid of the computers and the household items, too. It looks like it is probably one of those purging type sales. And if you take the 2 kids you will probably want the other stuff to take care of them.

Revolutionary Signage

More from Woodstock. This post is dedicated to the signage. Again, I did feel like Woodstock had turned into sort of a parody of itself, but the nostalgia made us smile. There was the requisite window sign:

Apparently hippies are welcome but cell phones are not:

The oh so corny rainbow candle next to the Dream Bigger lighted sign in the candle shop:

And my favorite item that I am SO sorry I did not buy on a whim… the Che Guevara watch. You know, because it is always a good time for a revolution:

And the quintessential Woodstock official signage from a very groovy Education Department that discourages apathy and respects dissent; a great follow-up to the Che watch. Sort of a nice tagline for that hallowed ground, no?

Kangaroo Men

On the road yesterday we saw this van that made me laugh. I kept trying to think about how funny it would be if the guys that worked for them were dressed up in kangaroo costumes. I tried to think about what these costumes would look like and did a quick image search on ‘kangaroo men’.

Wouldn’t you know I found the perfect shot. I can’t tell if these are the same guy photoshopped together or triplets in kangaroo costumes which is funny on so many levels.

You do lose a little something without the pouch but I guess that would just be for kangaroo women. Yeh, I know, it is amazing what I will do to waste time.

Anyway, shout out to Kangaroo Men Movers for entertaining me on an otherwise quiet drive. Love the tagline: We Hop to It.

And of course to Gary for slowing down so I could take the shot. Hey Jana, you did not think that the van was that funny. What do you say now?

Discouraging Pumpkin Abuse

Ok, we get the don’t touch part, but don’t kick?

I like that they said thank you.

 

 

Like a Hole in the Head

Have you ever thought about that expression? I need that like a hole in the head. A little violent, no? That is sort of like when I was little and said I was bored and my father’s two favorite lines were , ‘Then, go play in traffic’ and the ever famous child-rearing spark of genius, ‘Then, go bang your head against the wall.’

This awning sits atop a carpet store not far from where I live. I pass it often and never really processed it. I suppose it was simply part of the passing visual color outside my window. On Saturday we pulled into the parking lot for something else and of course I had to take this picture.

What do you think this guy was thinking? Catchy I suppose. But really a bit creepy. If I am not mistaken, there is a guns and ammunition store not far from here. Installing this awning on the wrong store could have been very unfortunate.

Note from Your Wife

Once again, a big thank you to Susan who has become a better magnet for crazy signage than I.

This one comes to you from our local paint and hardware store. I would assume that after countless husbands came back into their store with tails between their legs, they decided to have a little fun with it and give a gentle nudge towards encouraging spousal approval.

I thought of this yesterday as I was in the supermarket picking up dinner. There in the middle of the store, was a husband staring at a shopping list with a dazed and confused look on his face. Then I saw him dial his cell phone. He was someone I knew so I asked, “Not empowered to make that decision?” and he just cracked up.

What is it about married couples? Are we wives simply ridiculous control freaks or are our husbands truly incapable of these small domestic decisions because we have been handling them for so long?

Or both?

The MILF Hotel

Yes, all you babes with children out there, I am happy to announce that now NYC has a hotel dedicated especially to you: The Milf Plaza. What better recognition for all the women who have worked hard to stay in shape and look great after having kids than to dedicated a landmark hotel to them.

Some of you may be saying to yourselves, ‘Hey, I am a New Yorker, you can’t fool me, that is the Milford Plaza with the o-r-d retouched out.’ (sounds sort of like a Monty Python routine… fish license, anyone). I will say to you all, ‘No, no, no; this baby is for real’. We can thank Mark R. for posting this on facebook and Cathy S. (his lovely wife, and according to him the ‘highest authority’) for validating its authenticity.

When you see stuff like this you can’t help but think that someone at that hotel was having some fun with this. Or could it simply be serendipity that those letters all went out at the same time for the sheer purpose of entertaining the likes of people like my friends and I.

Now I can’t stop singing The Lullaby of Broadway (this commercial ran constantly back in the 90s – check out the talented staff and the price!)