I Take a Sheet

This is a banner week for people sending me things. This one comes from Natasha.

What a campaign! If you have ever eaten dinner over you know there is an inordinate amount of discussion surrounding…

taking a sheet. You could say we are a little preoccupied with it (or is that just me?)

I can’t imagine how they ever got the client to go for this campaign, but honestly I think it is hysterical and will surely get attention for this ridiculous product; Energy sheets that melt in your mouth like those breath strips with ‘vitamins’ and… caffeine, to help you with endurance when you are doing sports.

You know, for those who don’t give a sheet about their bodies (sorry, cheap shot).

BTW, their website is a gas. (I know I have a million of these)

Avoid poking eyes.

Do you ever wonder who writes these guides? Did someone post a complaint on the Facebook page of the Wahl Lithium Home Hair Cutter complaining that they had tried poking their eyes with this item and it caused injury? Did this person’s parents never use the phrase, ‘Knock it off, you’ll poke your eye out’ whilst they were fiddling around with something as a kid?

A big thanks to Joyce for sending this baby over just as I was pondering a topic for today’s post. Another reader sent me something yesterday that I am contemplating posting but it might just be too outrageous for me (doubtful).

 

Creepy Stress Ball

THIS is a damn creepy stress ball. And the way it is packaged with just the face sticking out of a hole like that just adds to its degree of creepiness.

I took this picture for my friend Michelle Lamar, because we are constantly in competition for photos of the bizarre. She is the one who turned me on to tampon crafts way back when. She is my idol of tackiness.

So this guy? What makes him so creepy? Is it the pink lipstick? The bushy eyebrows? Oh right, the fact that someone would design something like this as a desk accessory could be it!

So he represents who? The quintessential asshole boss? Your perverted Uncle Ernie? The pedophile next door? Why, I ask you, will we get pleasure in squishing his seemingly benign, bald little head?

Ok, too much thought, right? WTH, I am so going back to that weird little card store near Home Goods and buying this one. He deserves a spot on my novelty shelf along with the Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure , The Mini Marauding Pirates and the Evolving Darwin Playset.

Yes, I do in fact own all three of those.

 

When Men do Merchandising

Jana and I went into the drug store yesterday to pick up some tampax. (Now there is a show-stopping opening line if I ever wrote one.) As we walked down the aisle I heard her famous brand of “ARE you kidding me?!” I turned around to see not one, but two NFL free standing displays…

blocking the tampons and feminine hygiene products.

As a marketer and brand-focused professional I tried to see what the idea was behind this. I have come up with a few thoughts and will outline them here, with a poll at the end to get your input.

Put the NFL stuff in front of the tampons because:

1. while a woman is bleeding she feels the need to get a little gift for her guy to distract him.

2. there are women who are football fans and they may want some of these for themselves.

3. stockperson was stoned and placed the displays there as a joke.

4. stock person just put them randomly in an aisle with no thought to surrounding merchandise.

5. there is a level of discomfort with feminine hygiene products and they wanted to hide them.

6. foreshadowing: Tampax will be coming out with NFL branded tampons (Team Tampax?) and this is a pre-launch teaser.

Oh My Cherry?

Seriously, Zara? You really named your perfume ‘oh my cherry’ (nice typography BTW). Gotta admit it was pretty ballsy in a … well you know, cherry sort of way.

This was perched at the counter when I went to pay yesterday. I even commented to the cashier. “Really?!”, I said. “I know, right?” was her response. She said the employees were all surprised, but people love it.

Hey, who could pass this up? What a great gift item. Sort of a stocking stuffer, if you will.

Pop Pop Snappers

This crazy little item was at the counter of a local ice cream parlor. They had all sorts of retro toys like the ever popular Fart Bag, Stink Bomb and Bomb Bag. I am wondering why the vocabulary for these items was so repetitive.

What caught my eye on this little lovely was the usage suggestions:

Bang drop it seemed like an odd description but I can pretty much visualize that one. But ‘throm’ it? Is throm actually a word? I don’t think so. In fact when I google it all I get is a page of sites about thrombosis – an unlikely and rather unfortunate substitute.

So, do you think this is a slang word or was this packaging created in an english as second language factory?

Can Glass Cleaner Bring You Happiness?

I am not sure where to start with this one. First, I am thinking that I should not use this product because it is a ‘Limited Edition’ and it might become a collector’s item and be worth something in the future.

Really? Limited edition glass cleaner?

But what blows me away is that this bottle of windex is making the claim that happiness is just a spray away (exclamation point). What makes me mad is that they left the word ‘is’ out in front of ‘just’ so it reads:

Happiness

just a spray away!

No comma, no ‘is’, just a really poorly written sentence.

So how did this product happen. Product manager walks in the room and says I think I know how to spread happiness to consumers across the land. And since this is such a huge claim, let’s make it a limited edition.

Because, you know, it’s hard to sustain happiness.

Ridiculous! (but not going to lie, I really like the crystal rain smell and I am sort of happy when the glass table is clean)

Savvy Vendor – Location, Location, Location

Now here is a street vendor who has got it going on. If you look at the signage in the background, you will see that he is parked right in front of the Apple store on West 14th Street. This dude has set up shop in the ultimate location, selling all the i-accesorries you could ever need. Talk about a captive market.

We just need to help him work on his signage a little bit… not all that tasteful.

Then again, that yellow and red can’t be missed. Sometimes tacky works.

Urine Off

I was at the ASI show at the Javitz Center today. For those who do not know ASI, it is the trade show for ad specialities… or in lay terms all the stuff with logos that companies hand out… at trade shows. Sort of self-perpetuating, isn’t it?

In fairness, a lot of the stuff is given away at places other than trade shows but it was funnier to think of it the other way.

Anyway, we were walking around in that I can’t possibly look at another pen or eco-bag kind of stupor when these two older gentleman walked passed us wheeling cartons of…

Urine off.

We stopped them, asked if we could take their picture and questioned them about the boxes. They said they had no idea, but the guys from Booth 1059 pay them to walk around wheeling these boxes. Then they cracked a lame joke about this being different way of saying ‘Pissed Off.’

Um… Ok.

Well, we never did check out who was at Booth 1059 and quite frankly I didn’t care who they were if they did not have the sense to at least give these two guys a line to tell people who asked about the Urine Off. But I did get curious tonight so I looked it up and there was no Booth 1059… sort of Twighlight Zone-ish, no?

I did however, google Urine Off and it appears this is the ‘World’s Best Urine and Stain Remover’ or like the box says, ‘The Name Says it All’. This company also makes Coffee Off and Wine Off.

Sorry guys, they are simply not as funny – for obvious reasons.

Orthodox Chews

This hysterical item was sent to me by my BBFF, Liz. I do so love a good play on words. And the font is perfect. This rivals the yarmulkap, or as I affectionately called it the yid lid.

Not sure when salt water taffy became ‘A Chewish Tradition’ but I have to give this company credit for coming up with the whole concept. This, I am sure, will be a hit at every Passover seder this year.

Of course I had to check out their website and they had me at the opening line:

For over 5000 years, your family and friends have been waiting for you to treat them to something special. With one simple act, all is forgiven. Delicious Orthodox Chews Gourmet Salt Water Taffy are the answer of the ages. A gift of Orthodox Chews or Orthodox Chews SugarFree is a gift of love.

The call to action is simply priceless:

Order now! Don’t let another 1000 years slip by!

The tagline?

Orthodox Chews. The Chosen Chews.