Category Archives: communities

Time To Cry Tuesday – Chicken Redux

Last year I wrote about ‘The Chicken”. If you don’t want to click back, I will make it short. When you live in a close-knit community and find yourself in times of need, people come out in a big way.

We tend to like to feed. I think outside the comfort piece, the idea of removing the hassle of the nightly meal for a family that already has too much on its proverbial plate makes sending in dinners seem like the right thing to do.

So basically, you love to make the chicken… receiving the chicken? Not so much.

This week we had two families in one close group of friends in need… of ‘chicken’. All I can say is that I sent out one email and within 24 hours there were six nightly home-cooked meals and a waiting list for one family and a Magic Bullet smoothie maker for the other, who for health reasons needed to puree, so to speak.

24 hours.

AND there were calls from more who wanted to help and text chains and emails and such an overwhelming sense of what community is, that it took my breath away… yet again. I never cease to stand in awe of what this means; how lucky we all to have each other; to try to imagine what my life would be like without this.

I cannot.

 

To have 2 dear friends in surgery on the same day is quite unnerving. There is not enough chicken in the universe that makes you feel like you are doing enough to ease the pain.

Until you stop an realize that you can’t. You can only love them. And their spouses. And their amazing kids and even their dogs. And be there for them the best way you know how when they get to the other side. Because they are the family you choose.

I am happy to report that both are doing as well as they can. And we want to let them both know:

There is plenty of chicken where that came from. Just say the word.

Because that is what we do.

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Filed under communities, family, Time to Cry Tuesdays

The Famous Graduation Post 1 – This is Not a Dress Rehearal

I have decided to make this an annual post at graduation time of year. I wrote this before I was a blogger. It was an email I sent to those who had been parenting with me since preschool. It was written on the morning of my daughter’s HS graduation. It still makes me cry. Funny how she is now a COLLEGE grad, one year out and has been living home, soon to move on to her own apartment. THAT will be some post… the final launch.

This is not a dress rehearsal…

or watch the temp when you decide to iron the graduation gown.

6AM on the day that my first child graduates high school.

how can this be, she was just a curly-headed little whirling dervish whose door i had to hold shut as she was throwing her ever famous brand of temper tantrums. that same door with the loose latch from all the times she slammed it for effect when she stormed into her room in her tweens. you know the one, who at five years old marched into nuerosurgery to ‘get her neck fixed’ and never once asked ‘why me?’.

who was that radiant young woman that walked out of the house wednesday morning with her car packed and her keys in hand saying, “don’t worry mom, i have the garmin GPS, i don’t need a map!”

well i think, perhaps, i need a map today. someone tell me how to navigate this road. we surely have had enough practice. we graduate them ad nauseum – from the 4′s, kindergarten, 5th grade, 8th grade – the most graduated generation of all times. you would think we would get used to it. but this year’s cap does not have flourescent orange and green finger paint decorating it. this kid has actually grown up! how dare she. does she not know that my bravado this year has all been an act. of course i could not be ready for her to be the competant, independent, grab-the-world-by-the-balls person i worked so hard to raise. does she not know i was only kidding!! wisconsin?!! that is halfway across the country!

i digress – back to the gown and the iron. being a working mom i always look for ways to overcompensate and make sure that i am doing the mom thing as well as the work thing. so, of course, they both are never really quite up to the standard i expect. somewhere in the 4-page green directions for graduation (you know the one, where the assistant principal gives them a 10 bullet list for how to enjoy graduation and prom, 9 of which stress not drinking or doing drugs) there was mention of taking the gown out of the bag and ironing it. at midnight i was the mom who would just hang it up. at 6AM i decided no daughter of mine will graduate with a wrinkled gown!

so why is it, exactly, that they make these things out of the same material as basketball shimmer shorts?!

no, you will not be able to notice my daughter by the big brown iron mark on the back of her white gown. but if you look close, you may notice that on the front left shoulder the fabric is, how should i put it, a tad ‘melted’.

as jana would say, ‘it’s FINE’. as my parents would say, i did it ‘the Amy way’.

a huge thank you to the jana who has become one of my favorite people on earth to spend time with. surely the one that knows me the best, and loves me anyway. sometimes it seems that she is raising me. i think her humor and radiant smile will get me through this one. levity has always been her strong point.

love and congrats to all of you who have been in the parenting trenches with me the past 18 years. for some of you it is your first, others, your last. it is never easy to watch them go. but then again, we could all use a rest. and as my mommy mentors tell me, they come home, stay out all night, sleep late and bring lots of laundry.

let the games begin!


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Time to Cry Tuesday – I Am Jewish

I struggled with whether to post this here, and whether to use its title. Not for any other reason than I believe that there are certain topics that are personal. Ones that are sacred and are not about link love, blog traffic or public discussion. I have always held to the idea that religion is either something you are born into or you choose. And sometimes it is something that you consciously choose to abandon. I do not think it is something that should be pushed on others, used to breed hatred or a vehicle to define someone. Sadly all three are the root of some of the most horrifying chapters in history.

All that said, this public declaration of what it means to this young man to ‘be a Jew’ moved me to tears. Even more so as he is someone that my kids know from camp. I have written about this camp here before, many times, and its effect on our children and ourselves. The core of this place is its pride, the sense of belonging, of being part of a tribe.

See where I am going with this? In this crazy world of ever-changing social rules with its constant shifting of how we live our daily lives and relate to one another, there is something so important about that sense of belonging. It breeds the most important thing of all – a sense of self. It is easier to thrive with the continuity of something that you can count on; something that makes you feel ‘at home’.

I relate to the words of this young man. I am not a religious Jew, Judaism is simply part of the fabric of who I am. I do not live a ghettoized life – hey some of my best friends are Goyim (ok you had to be a Jew or around them to get that joke, and yes it is counter to everything I am saying here. Hey, I am a wiseass, what can I say). To a highly religious Jew I might not be considered Jewish. And yet it matters not.

This video is the embodiment of a young suburban Jewish man who has fallen victim to every stereotype and yet is still able to articulate his Jewishness. He is considered hip and current yet the content of his message would hold true even when my dad was his age.

He does not preach. He does not try to convert. He does not ask you to validate his Judaism or to argue its validity.

It is simply a declaration.

I am pretty sure this would translate to any culture or religion, and I am equally sure that the parodies of this video will be abundant in the weeks to come because… well, because that is what social media breeds. However, I do not think that any of that will dilute its message.

Enjoy, and feel free to comment.

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Filed under communities, religion, Time to Cry Tuesdays

Time To Cry Tuesday – You Don’t Want the Chicken

I live in a wonderful community, one where people come out of the woodwork to rise to the occasion and come to the aid of anyone in need. I have been on both sides of this practice and let me tell you, being the receiver of this kindness is a lot more difficult.

When a family is in a crisis of any kind – usually health or loss – our community springs into action and gets things done… in a big way. Dinners are sent in, carpools are covered, birthday gifts are wrapped and rides to parties and after school activities are covered. This army of giving jumps into action at a moment’s notice and no one bats an eye at getting the job done.

I have a friend who is currently in this place right now. We have the best job of all, we get to dog sit during the day while she goes to work. Talk about reciprocal giving! (for those who are not regular readers, we lost our dog a month ago and cannot get used to a dogless house). She and I were sitting in my kitchen yesterday talking about how overwhelming it is to receive such kindness. My first thought was about the chicken dinner on Friday nights. In the Jewish faith, a friday night – or Shabbat dinner, usually showcases a chicken. Jews feed for comfort and there is nothing more comforting than a roast chicken dinner.

As she voiced how difficult it is to take in all this kindness when you are a relatively private and self sufficient family, it came to me…

You don’t want to be the one that gets the chicken!

Giving the chicken is cool. Making the chicken is wonderful. Dropping off the chicken feels so good because there is so little you can do to help someone close to you who is suffering. But GETTING the chicken? Oy, that is the ultimate admission that you are in a time of need; a time of crisis.

I am thinking that the damn chicken might have been the thing that broke me in my darkest hours.

Anyone else get that?

But in all seriousness, there is never a day that goes by that I am not grateful for what this town has shown it can do for its own; and making it look so easy in the process. It is a very special place indeed.

FYI, this family has used a wonderful website called lotsahelpinghands to help manage their needs. I urge you to check this out, while I hope that you never need to use it. Their tagline is ‘Create Community’; in our case it is simply ‘Enhance Community’.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – T-shirt Wisdom

This past weekend we went to a gathering that I would best describe as The Field of Aging Hippies. Some were authentic hangers-on of a nostalgic era, others just dusted off their tie-dye for the occasion, still others were young enough to be second (and third) generations lovers of the culture and the freedom it represented. But mostly it was a group of people brought together with the common bond of loving a genre of music.

This was Jerryfest, Long Island style. In celebration of Jerry Garcia‘s birthday (which is oddly almost 2 months ago) a group of local bands were assembled to play the sound that simply made all that were there feel good. We thought it would be a fun way to spend an indian summer Sunday with some friends and the musicians were surprisingly amazing.

One look at the crowd and you could see that life had not been so good to some of them, while others were doing just fine but still had that soft spot in their hearts for their coming of age sound. All ages, all shapes and sizes and some of the best T-shirts I have seen in a long time.

My favorite is the one above. Gotta love a kid with the First Amendment on his back. This guy looked to have been in diapers or not even born when Jerry died, but he surely embodied the spirit of the band’s culture.

This next guy wore a perfect blend of 2 passions – you have to love the Grateful Jets shirt he was wearing. Deadheads and football, how much more All American can you get?

Now this guy I like to call the Bourgeois Deadhead. The ‘I loved The Dead in College and now I summer in my beach house and listen to the Grateful Dead on Sirius/XM’ sort of guy.

And when all else fails, you can always let your freak flag fly like this guy. No matter the outfit, or the walk of life, the beauty of a day like this was a crowd of seemingly unrelated souls coming together to share a little joy.

What could be bad about that?

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Time to Cry Tuesday – Timing is Everything

Do you ever wonder what makes you decide to do something at the exact moment that you do? What makes you feel the need to complete a task that sets you on a specific path at a specific time? Sometimes there is a higher power at work. No, I am not getting all religious on you, more fatalistic. I am a firm believer that some things do not happen by accident. Sometimes we are part of a predestined plan.

Today was just such a day. Today we were supposed to go to the beach, but got caught up in doing stuff around the house. Today Gary had an almost obsessive need to drop a few bags of stuff that have been in the garage for weeks in the Goodwill box. Today he made the decision to leave at just the very moment that made all the difference in the world.

Minutes after he left – only a few short blocks from our house – he came upon a friend in dire need and set the ball in motion to help. If he was not there at that very moment the whole experience would have gone down completely differently. Our friend would have been alone. And more frightened than he already was. No one would have known what had happened. It was as if he was guided to that very spot at that very time to make a terrible situation a little easier to navigate.

Timing is everything.

And we are incredibly lucky to have the kind of friends that we do.

Very lucky indeed.

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Time to Cry Tuesday – Help Find Lauren Spierer – Missing from Indiana University

UPDATE 6.9.11

There is now a $145,000 reward



This is every parents’ unthinkable nightmare. It is with deep sadness that I am posting this information about an Indiana University student who is missing. I urge everyone who sees this to help spread the word. Here are links you can share. Please post and RT as often as you can.

June 9 UPDATE: This page has been added as the official family page in reaction to false information and irrelevant comments on other pages. They are verifying info and request that there be no comments on the page.

Facebook group Missing: Lauren Spierer

Facebook event: Please help spread the word about Lauren Spierer’s disappearance!

Facebook profile page: Lauren Spierer missing

Facebook community page: Help find Lauren Spierer – Missing from Indiana Universtity

Website for information and to volunteer.

Follow the effort on twitter.

Follow hashtags #LaurenSpierer, #FindLauren

Bloomington Police Tip Hotline: 1-812-339-4477

America’s Most Wanted: 1-800-CRIMETV


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Friends with Benefits


For my family, the only upside of the protests in Madison is the living classroom it provides for my kids. Jana went up to the Capitol to document the event and this is one of my favorite shots.

When teachers are the protestors the slogans are surely one notch up on the clever scale.

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Filed under carry a camera, communities, Jana, politics

Fugitive Finder

The other night we stopped by the King Kullen to pick up dessert to bring to a friend’s house. On the way out between the Pennysavers and the auto finders was none other than…

The Fugitive Finder.

I love their tagline: We are keeping Long Island safe… and you can help!

Yikes!

Really? In our sleepy little town this is the last item I would have expected to find on the way out of a supermarket . We particularly liked the Fugitive of the Month on the cover. I shudder to think how he earned that spot. Note that this paper is free. Seriously, would someone pay for the Fugitive Finder? Or is there a worry that it would be stolen? The whole thing is a bit creepy.

If you are wondering who advertised in there we found a Become a Security Guard ad, a couple of attorneys, a bail bondsmen, a staff and recruitment company (odd, to say the least) and on their website this ad was my absolute favorite!

Guess someone was scorned out there in Quogue.

We picked this copy of the Fugitive Finder up as a gift for our friend the criminal attorney.

He was touched.

 

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Time to Cry Tuesday – Love Drop

It’s called micro-giving. A lot of people giving a little can make a big difference. Great concept. Easy to do. And it can change lives.

Nate St. Pierre from ItStartsWith.Us made a commitment to change the world. Yep, that’s right.

Change.

The.

World.

And change he has. He is committed to making a difference in the lives of people in need. His latest project is Love Drop. Check out the link. It is really simple to make a difference. The idea is ‘spend a dollar, change a life.’

Cool.

He has even found a way to make this into a consulting gig for himself to help companies with their own initiatives.

He can tell you about it a lot better than I can. The first video is about Love Drop. The second tells you more about ItStartsWith.Us.

I could be in love.

(fyi, they are not a non-profit so the donations are not tax-deductible, but the concept is still quite unique)

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Filed under charity, communities, Time to Cry Tuesdays