Time to Cry Tuesday – ER, ER, Ow!

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Did this translate. You know, like EI EI OH. Ok, sort of weak. Cut me some slack, that was ME in the ER for 21 friggin’ hours last week.

Ok, a blanket I am so very sorry to everyone I did not call and tell this personally to. Again, a little slack for the woman who spent all that time in the theatre of the absurd. You know, the one with the black and blue arms from the 2 IVs and 3 blood draws.

The short story is that my usually managed high blood pressure decided to fall off that wagon and wreak havoc with my system. I was addressing it outpatient with docs but around 8PM on Thursday I was deemed unfit for my own bed and sent off to the ER with chest pains and a blazing headache.

Yes, I thought I was perhaps stroking out or having a heart attack.

No, I did not.

Yes, I was scared to death but kept my cool. (poor choice of words) I do not admit that often (refer back to high blood pressure and lack of losing it).

Keep in mind I live 5 minutes from a premiere heart hospital. My doc is the head of cardiology there. I had all the confidence in the world that I would get the best of care.

Perhaps in an alternate universe.

You see I suffered the misfortune of not only showing up the first week the new ER opened, but 5 days after they instituted their brand new computer system. The place was a sea of purple scrubs… designated tech help. Every task came with it a learning curve that made each thing take 10x longer to complete. This clusterfuck of a night left me waiting in the ER waiting room for 4 HOURS! With another hour and half after I got in to see a doc.

Did I mention the migraine headache and chest pains?

Yeh, ridiculous. Think of this as the healthcare version of the Magnet for the Absurd.

Favorite lines of the evening:

ER Doc: Mrs. Levinson we take chest pain very seriously.

Me: Really? Does 4 hours in the waiting room and 1.5 hours before you got to my bed constitute serious? (Just a tip, in ER time I will be there in 10 minutes means 1 hour.)

Nurse: Sorry, we are delayed on your cardiac CT because we need to run a pregnancy test.

Me: Really? Does that fancy computer not get the correlation between a hysterectomy and the inability to be pregnant?

X-Ray Tech: Is there any chance you could be pregnant?

Me: Does nobody read the patient charts?

CT Tech: Ok, let’s see, no diabetes, no cancer, no depression, lost your uterus in a card game…

Me: Finally someone who reads the chart AND has a sense of humor. (He was the highlight of the experience)

It goes on an on. the CT staff telling me I must drink 8 glasses of water to clear the dye while the nurse instructs me no food or drink till the results are back. I get that. How about the massive headache that grew all day because…

that’s right, no food or drink till the results came back.

The entire experience was a comedy of errors. Right down to the hour and half it took after I was released for them to figure out how to get the computer to release me.

Visualize Gary with one of the tech people telling him he could not leave my nurse’s station until he saw a paper print out with my name on it.

The exact reasons I did not want to go to the ER were realized…

Times 10.

Anyone else want to share a good ER tale?

6 Comments

Filed under absurdities, health, magnet for the absurd

6 responses to “Time to Cry Tuesday – ER, ER, Ow!

  1. Ness

    Glad you are ok! (Very funny and very scary at the same time)

  2. Ellen

    Perhaps when you have time…the saga continues…Dad there for 27 hours (ER) on a stretcher…asked him 20 million times what day it was….woulda you remember if you had been sitting there for 27HOURS??? I was thinking of writing a book about my recent hospital experiences…want to be my ghost writer?

  3. Fran

    Oh no..so glad you are ok. Funny story..I am a standardized patient (in real life) where I work with med students acting as a patient which gives them hands on experience. Whenever I go to the ER or Dr’s office once they find out what I do for a job, the whole game changes. Next time tell them you are an SP and maybe it would help. Sounds like I would have had a field day in that ER. Hang in there AZ! Be good to yourself!

  4. joyce

    OMG! Glad you still have your sense of humor. Obviously, that was not removed in error. We were in the ER on Sunday…not nearly as eventful, however. Jim complained about no reading material and cartoons on the TV. The horror!!!!! xxoo

  5. Loved the guy with the sense of humor, and very glad you are okay.

  6. Pingback: Time to Cry Tuesday – As Long as You’ve Got Your Health | i could cry but i don't have time

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