How many years does the average person waste being an idiot?

Good start, right? I needed a good opener since it’s been a while. Thank you to Marta Molnar for asking this question in the delightful book I am reading, The Secret Life of Sunflowers. I am a bit rusty, but here goes:

Is sharing weird stuff journaling?

Is stopping on the street to shoot something that intrigues you journaling?(apologies to all who walk with me)

Is taking a shot of a quote in a book and sharing it journaling?

Does it matter what we call it?

I ask because I decided that I wanted to start my day journaling. I have more time now (making the name of this blog sort of ironic) and felt the need for some structure in the morning. And then I realized, I used to do this every day here!

So… I think I am back. But don’t hold me to it. And you can call this whatever you like.

This morning’s thoughts were spawned by the quote in the title. I took a shot of my kindle (sort of analog/digital behavior) and sent it to my son. This is one of our traditions that I simply adore.

It begs this question for all of us. I would like to believe that my behavior is driven by thinking things through and going with my gut. But I have to own the fact that I have spent many days being an idiot. Plain and simple. Pure ‘what the hell was I thinking’ stuff. By this age they probably add up to a few years at least!

Note to self: Be less of an idiot.

Thoughts?

Never Again

Never Again. We were raised on these words. We were sure that this could never happen again. This past week so much has been written that I did not feel the need to add my voice to this repetition. Until I realized that as a Jew I have an obligation to not remain silent.

We are Jews. We are Jews before we are our nationality. We are Jews before we are our professions. We worry about the safety of our children and grandchildren, our elders, our peers, because no one appears to be spared. We have lived our entire lives knowing there are places we are not comfortable for they are filled with the hate and rage of those who want us dead. For centuries.

We did not expect our homes to be one of these places… again.

We don’t own this space. But what we do fear is that even those who have had to suffer a similar plight, or those who habitually speak out in their defense, are finding it hard to stand by us. The knowledge that this is going to get much worse sickens us. That other innocents will suffer in the wake of our only option for survival is counter to all our beliefs.

Our collective shock from the terrorism is horrifying enough, but the reactions that reflect how truly broken our country and our world have become; these are what frighten us most.

I am left here, to bring to our lives the only thing that can help us bear what has happened.

Hatikva (The Hope). I hear this anthem and I am brought back to the Hebrew school days of my childhood. When I complained about having to attend and now I am so very grateful to my parents for giving me a solid Jewish education.

Now I get chills when I hear the soldiers waiting to go into battle singing this in unison. When I read of communities around the world gathering to chant these words together. NYC organizing to sing this out their windows at a set time the way they cheered for healthcare workers each night during the pandemic.

HOPE. All caps. Because when there is chaos the only antidote is hope.

Please note: commenting will be turned off for this post, because… I would like to end with hope.

This is 31

Uncle Danny.

Becky’s almosthusband (I never liked the word fiancé).

My boy.

There is nothing quite like watching your son sit in the happiest times of his life.

So here you are Dan. This moment in time when it all is falling into place and that smile seems to be a permanent fixture on your face. Not bad for a guy who could win the salty championship on any given morning.

Watching you get to this point has been such a joy. I am so proud of all the patience and support you have displayed to get here. At work. At home. And within our family.

This has been a roller coaster year. But you are the guy we can all always count on. You scoop me and make the hard things so much easier with your steady support and calm strength. And you bring fun and light into everything we do together.

A quick ‘you ok, Ma?” text to check in on me means more than you will ever know. Our shared book quote texts are one of my favorite things about being your mom. (note the main communication is texting here… yes I get you hate the phone).

You have taken my advice to be all you can to new heights. I can’t wait to see what you do next.

Love you to the moon, buckaroo. Happy 31!

This is 34

You are 34, right? I keep having to recount by doing the year you were born math and we all know what Mom Math looks like.

Well, this was a big year, wouldn’t you say? As a recruiter, you have learned how to add working mom to your resume. Huge skill set! But you have absorbed the role into your life so naturally. Not easily, but with the grace and whole heart that you do all things.

The best part of you becoming a mom for me has been the moments when the light bulb goes on for you. Like this one:

In the long list of our daily correspondence about the happenings in our family and all the “how did he do last night?” texts, this one sticks out for me. There are moments in a parent’s journey that they can’t ever fully forget. Nor should they. A restaurant name shakes loose a particularly trying time. We revisit that time and have a knee-jerk reaction.

A non-parent child will sort of get it at best, or roll their eyes at worst. But after squeaking out a puppy, you completely understood this.

And yes. I loved that moment. And all the other moments, both wonderful and trying, in which I get to witness your parenting experience.

Life is surely different for you now. The new road has been a challenge. And yet every day you find another moment to prove what a wonderful mom you are. And share how much joy you can derive from even the smallest experience.

The juggle is real. Watching me do it may have prepared you for it. It is not always pretty but it is never boring.

I will end this post with my best parenting advise. No condition is permanent. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Use your intuition. Never say ‘my child will never ____”. Love every moment, even the shitty ones. And never say no to a grandparent when they offer to babysit!

May 34 bring you more joy than pain, and the ability to adjust the volume of each to make life the best it can be.

Love you to the moon, Petunes.

This is 30

Remember this moment. Try to slow down time and realize how spectacular it is. Breathe it in. Eat it for breakfast. (metaphorically, of course. Everyone knows you don’t eat breakfast). LIVE it.

I just read this passage, and thought how timely it was. And how much I love that we always send a highlight from a book to each other.

Try not to let this ‘grown up’ life move too fast. Try to be here now. Even for the tough stuff. Yes, this is where I remind you that misery gives happiness context.

Life is intense for you now. Your days kick your ass and you kick them right back. Big time. You’ve got this. All of it. And as I’ve watched you grow I stand in awe of the life you’ve built. It is a joy to watch you. I hope it is still a joy to BE you.

The 4th grade teacher called you a happy go lucky deep thinker. Still be that! connect with your inner ‘little Danny’.

Happy 3-0, Buckaroo. (Time to stop calling you that? Never!) May your next year be all you dream of.

Oh, and now you get to carry my favorite advice:

This is 32 for son #2

Happy Birthday, Corey Glaser!

And what a year it has been. You have been busy!

You have been in our family for so long that my othermother status comes with the joy of watching you grow into the man you are today (this is starting to sound like a bar mitzvah speech).

This year has been quite something. Of course there is the obvious big milestone, but it is the subtle things you do that have made such a huge impact.

I have watched the way ‘you move’ – as the Trinidadians would say. How you care for all of those you love. But I have also witnessed the graceful power of your kindness to strangers. How you pivot at a moment’s notice and jump in to help people. And you do it with the utmost of humility and that charming brand of ‘it’s no big deal’ that makes it even more special. This, my sweet, is a quality like no other.

I have said it many times before, but I will say it again. I am so very grateful that my daughter found a man who calmly shares her life and makes everything just a little better than it was before.

And pretty soon (queue the uncontrollable emotion), you will set an incredible example for a very lucky little boy.

You are simply becoming more Corey with each year. And that is a gift for, not only yourself, but all of us who love you.

Happy Birthday!

This is 33

Thirty-three. How about that. Well, that went fast. (Ok, maybe not really.)

But here we are, with you being all grown up. Like really all grown up. And me, well, you know, it’s a hit or miss thing depending on the day. And yet you are still entertained by me, so that’s good.

Last week when you told me under no circumstances could I have a cup of coffee at 5PM, someone asked when you became my parent. I had to think about it, but then I said, “Oh, about 5 years ago”.

Somewhere around then the roles shifted ever so slightly. You started stepping in when you saw me circling the drain. Or maybe I thought it was ok to let you witness that dance. No, I don’t really think you are the parent, I still have plenty of parenting left to do. But I do trust your judgement probably more than anyone else. And with the utmost of grace, you have pivoted into a role of family authority. The handler. The fixer. The plan maker. All with very little effort and always with the joy and confidence in which you do most things.

Sure, you will still utter an ‘it’s not fair’ or ‘its fine’ now and then. Who doesn’t? But the way in which you have grown into this force to reckon with, while still being there for all who need you, is so much fun to witness.

You take friendship very seriously. That is evident by your side hustle as wedding officiant. You are committed to having a good time with equal gusto. You plan the adventures and never leave out a detail.

But of all your wonderful qualities – and there are so very many – the one that gets me the most is your commitment to family. Knowing you are not only always there, but Always There, is the greatest comfort in life. I could not be any more proud, and certainly any more excited, about watching you grow this family. The role of mom is going to come very natural to you, of that I am sure. Always know that I am on your shoulder, at your back and only a phone call or quick drive away when you need me. Just like Gram was for me. And believe me, you’ve got this, even when you think you don’t.

Happy three three, my sweet girl. May you always be surrounded by love. And keep radiating it back into the universe.

To the moon.

The family equation

Or what we like to refer to as Mom Math.

On this day, 4 years ago, in between 4 nor’easters, after 6 years long distance, these 2 joined together and grew our 2 families into a single kickass clan. We could not have chosen a better 2nd son (and partner for our daughter) if we tried. Now here we are, after 2 bizarre years, with the world still spinning out of control, waiting to add 1 more to this family equation.

We love you 2(½) people more than we can ever say. May you have the most beautiful anniversary day, celebrating all that truly matters in this world. And may you always know that we will all be your shelter in the storm. No matter what.

Big love, kiddos.

This is 29!

Wait, what?!

Typing that is a bit jarring. This makes me – as my birthday card from you read – ‘dead in dog years’.

Dan, I bet you thought I forgot the birthday post. Well, I almost forgot to serve your birthday cake tonight, and to give you your card, so it would not have been a stretch. The old rock of Gibraltar is surely showing some cracks.

But never. The only time I write here is birthdays, and 29 is a damn big one.

I looked at you across the table tonight and thought, how lucky am I? To have a son that gets me. That shares not only my birthday week but my sense of humor and desire to hang together. You taught me how to parent as much as I taught you how to grow up. And I can honestly say I learn from you every day.

Watching you mature, grow professionally and be a caring, supportive partner is all a parent can ever ask for. I can honestly say, I don’t worry about you. Ever, really. You have a level head, a strong moral compass, and yes, a Puss Jew Bod, but you have learned to manage that with grace. You have a firm grasp on what truly matters (see what I did there?)

Thank you for always being there for me. For making me think. For appreciating that sometimes I am actually ‘not wrong’. And most of all for loving me with your full heart. You are a man of both strength and sweetness. Don’t ever lose that charm.

Here’s to you, my sweet boy. May this year bring you all you wish for. I look forward to every moment of being your mom.

(Becky makes it into the photo because, frankly, I don’t have any recent pics of you alone! That speaks volumes. I love that, too!)

(BAYCBABC)

Daddio-sir

Daddio-sir. Not sure when I started calling you that, but it just fits!

TheHarvZ. My dad. The first man in my life. And he did it pretty damn gracefully (excluding those teen years that we all know are pretty much temporary insanity). Coining the phrase, ‘doing it the Amy way’, he taught me to navigate the easier roads to travel.

To know my dad is to to know his warmth. His no nonsense, massive love for his family. There is nothing more important to him. And if you marry in, you are his now too. This is evidenced by his famous ‘birthday letters’. He does not buy cards. (I think it may have something to do with the fact that my mom single-handedly supported Hallmark’s stock price for her entire life). The way he expresses emotions so freely is a gift we all cherish. His support and interest in every one of our lives and accomplishments is astounding. And he is the first to dust us off during challenges and failures. There is no better cheerleader.

Harv is a funny guy. He can become wildly aggravated by the inefficiencies of the postal service or the dining room in his place, but never once complained about being locked into his apartment for almost a year during the pandemic.

He has sucked up more things in his lifetime than I can count, and always keeps a smile on his face, a humorous twist and a positive lesson.

There is no greater gift a daughter can have than a dad who remains her champion her entire life. After the loss of my mom, he took on the role of the daily chatter. We never miss a morning, and when I am pressed for time there is never any guilt. Only the greatest support for getting through my day.

A big fat wish I were there with you Happy Fathers Day to my hero.

Love you to the moon, Daddio Sir.